Poem of the month: September 2022

“What I’ll think about in winter”

by Jessica Pizzo Brix

A bevy of swans approaches,

thunderous white cloud over Delaney Pond.

It’s December, and while nothing is frozen,

 the earth is hard.

Alleys of ferns and mugwort

have given their last bow.

Sharp-winged barn swallows have flown south,

and the beavers at Horse Meadow

have boarded up their lodge for winter.

Harvard is the color of straw, wheat and flax

tinged with snowflakes and rot,

prophets of what lies ahead.

But today,

I’m thinking of strawberries, sirens of the season, pulled

like rubies from the ground at Old Frog Pond.

The tart explosion of blueberries,

moving fistful to mouth,

wayward from any bucket’s fate.

The warm flesh of a Carlson’s peach,

a vibrant reminder that we’re alive and dust, at once.

Raspberries, oh raspberries, noblest of summer fruits.

To demand a delicate touch while being plucked

from prickly vines, mere minutes before meeting their fate

as finger hats.

Plums from Westward Orchards

bearing names of heroes and knights –  

Santa Rosa, Castleton and Red Heart –

and baked into frangipane.

The scent of a thousand Italian summers

in my very own backyard.

These gifts live on,

preserved in time and the literal sense

as jams, pies and in the freezer below. I’ll dip into them,

savor their muted perfume

and imagine myself among the

cosmos and goldenrod again.

For now, the swans approach their journey's end:

a half-frozen pond where pickerel and bass

lay sleeping below, their winter wings

keeping every kind of time.

No-Fail Granola

This granola recipe is perfect. 

Pretty hard to mess up and easy to switch up if you're craving a different flavor. Most Sundays, I make a big batch and store in a jar to enjoy throughout the week with almond milk or on top of yogurt or overnight oats. It's nut-free (hence, daycare approved!), actually nutritious and grandparent, spouse, baby and RELATIVE-approved too. I'd say that's good enough to make it a keeper.

No-Fail Granola (makes about 4 cups)

• 3 cups old fashioned oats (though quick cook work fine if you're in a pinch)

• 3/4 cup dried fruit (I generally use dried cranberries or chopped dates!)

• 1/4 pepitas

• 1/4 cup sunflower seeds

• 1/4 cup shredded coconut

• 3 tbsp chia seeds

• 1/4 cup flaxseed

• 1 tsp cinnamon

• 1 tsp Salt

• 1/3 cup coconut oil, melted

• 1/4 cup honey

• 1 tsp vanilla

1. Heat the oven to 375° and line a baking sheet with parchment paper

2. Mix the first eight ingredients together in a large bowl

3. Mix the coconut oil, honey, salt and vanilla together until combined, and pour over the dry ingredients. Toss until well-coated (I recommend using your hands - it's the most effective way to get it really covered and increases your chances of those good granola clumps!)

4. Spread evenly on your baking sheet, criss-cross drizzle with a bit more honey (trust me on this one) and pop into the oven on the topmost rack.

5. Bake for five minutes, then remove from the oven and toss before putting it back in.

6. This is the critical part! Bake for another 5-10 minutes, but keep an eye on it. It should begin to brown, and my rule of thumb usually is: if I can smell it, it's done. Take it out before it burns.

7. Let it cool completely before crumbling (again, better for the clumps), and either devour immediately or store in an airtight container for a week. 

Life Flashlights

By Mari Andrew.

Full Catastrophe Parenting

Tell me if this sounds familiar. 

It's 8:00pm on a weeknight. The sink is full of dishes, the lunchbox hasn't been unpacked from daycare and there's a tiny sock off to the side of the playmat. The only sounds in the house are the hum of the baby monitor and the drip-drying of the washcloth in the bathtub that just wiped away a day's worth of germs from tiny hands and feet.

You sit alone on the couch, tired eyes barely watching the screen in front of you and you are so damn ready to check-out for the day. Except you're not done yet because before each day closes, you must prepare for the next. The bottles will be repacked, the lunches made and everything set by the door so that tomorrow you won't forget a thing during the chaotic morning rush.

When I was in my twenties, carefree and alone, my mother used to say that she couldn't wait for me to find my partner so that we could "get messy" together. I never fully understood what this meant until I finally met that person and as we started experiencing life together. We made moves, lost jobs, fought, made up and wandered on our way together. But for the most part, we managed a pretty nice balance in our routine together until we had a baby.  And that's when the full catastrophe began.

“Of course I’ve been married. Wife, house, kids, the full catastrophe. Trouble? Life is trouble. Only death is no trouble.”

— Zorba the Greek

When I was pregnant, I read the beautiful book "Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn, and it was in this book that I learned about "the full catastrophe of life" as explained in the movie version of Zorba the Greek. I immediately fell in love with the concept because it speaks to what is so true about being a parent - the challenges, the pain and the can't-deal-with-you-right-now-but-love-you-so-much reality that comes with raising a child and trying to stay sane throughout the process. 

Motherhood, in many ways, is a calculation made up of physical resources. We spend all of our time and energy during the day giving ourselves: to our partners, our children, our colleagues and to anyone else that will take. And what is leftover? That's for us - the one who quite often needs it the most but prioritizes it last. 

But perhaps it is in these moments of full catastrophe living - when the bottles are dirty, the child refuses to go to sleep and we just need a minute to breathe - that we can gain wisdom and learn to grow ourselves. Of course there will be moments where we ask ourselves "how did I get here?" But to quote another line from Jon Kabat-Zinn, "wherever you go, there you are."

When we acknowledge that this is, in fact, our life - the one that we are living at this very moment - then we open ourselves up to possibility of learning from the trying and tiring moments. We come into the present and time stands still.

We can realize that our children can be wonderful teachers if we let them. We can begin to see where our value is most felt, and when we can give ourselves permission to phone it in. And mostly, we can better tap into ourselves and begin to understand what it is that we need to refresh and restore and make the most of that slice of the pie that we call our own.

Care for the Caretakers

Hey there. It's been awhile, huh?

What a fitting blog post below to reflect on when we last left off here. Last December, I was truly doing just that - walking slowly into a mystery. I was in the exciting-yet-nerve-wracking first trimester of my pregnancy, quietly moving towards change that I couldn't even fathom. 

Our son was due in July and I spent the first half of the year focusing on preparing for his arrival and tying loose ends up at work. We moved apartments, traveled and entered the summer with a new nest to build.

Meanwhile, I rushed to finish up the transformative coaching program that I started in 2015 and was slowly completing on my own time. Doing this while pregnant was an interesting experience, and in a group coaching session, a deeply intuitive peer mentioned that she envisioned me working with and helping mothers. My heart and mind were not there yet, so when I finished the program in June, I knew that stepping away from that process made natural sense so that I could honor my path to motherhood.

My first lessons in parenting arrived even before he did - ten days late on a hot August day. Rule number one? You Can't Control Everything. The lessons that followed in the first weeks of his life read like chapters in a "How To" book: Some Babies Cry More Than Others, Sleep- Who Needs It? and How Stepping Away From Google Can Save Your Life.

There were so many things that I learned and even more that I wish I had known ahead of time - despite the amazing advice, support and love I had from family, friends and a life-saving girlfriend who responded to texts at all hours of the day and night. It was after I began to regather, start showering regularly and learn how to gently nurture myself again that I connected the dots in my mind for how I wanted to develop my coaching offerings.

Self-care, in today's world in particular, is critical, and I've found that learning how to do it is key for mothers. They are caretakers who give endlessly, balance constantly and don't always know what they need or how to ask for it. I know this from experience, from speaking with family, brainstorming with friends and from participating in several mothers groups in the past months.

I'm thrilled to begin this new chapter in my coaching experience and watch it grow and change. I look forward to the lessons it teaches me and will continue to share those in this space along with other musings on motherhood, self-care and building a healthy whole lifestyle. 

While you're here, look around and check out my updated site and offerings. Sign up for my monthly newsletter, or just reach out and say hi. As always, thanks for following along and being a part of what happens next. 

Jessica

Weekly Words: Walk Slowly

"It only takes a reminder to breathe,
a moment to be still, and just like that,
something in me settles, softens, makes
space for imperfection. The harsh voice
of judgment drops to a whisper and I
remember again that life isn’t a relay
race; that we will all cross the finish
line; that waking up to life is what we
were born for. As many times as I
forget, catch myself charging forward
without even knowing where I’m going,
that many times I can make the choice
to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk
slowly into the mystery."

- Danna Faulds

Weekly Words: Rewriting the Story of Stress

'You’ve come home at the end of a long workweek. Your spouse, partner, or roommate poses the query: “How did work go?” If you’re anything like the writer of this blog post, you might tell your roommate, “Ugh, it was super stressful.” It makes sense – in our culture, work is thought of as stressful. But [Todd] Kashdan says that you should dig a little deeper, and examine how you really feel.

“Describe your emotional life with more precision, and say, ‘I’ve been a little bit anxious, excited, curious, and confused as I’m working on this presentation.’ People that can describe their emotional world with more precision, they end up less likely to have experiences of anger with their romantic partner turn into hateful comments… and they’re more likely to enjoy spending time with their kids.”

McGonigal adds that “as soon as you start to pay attention to what you’re feeling, you increase activation in parts of the brain that give you more control and flexibility over your behavior and responses.”'

-The Surprising Benefits of Stress

Happy weekend...

Happy Friday! It's been a long rainy week, and I'm excited to snuggle in for the weekend. 

• Loving the beautiful and theatrical album by Natalie Prass, especially "It Is You" and  "Reprise,"  which is so classic and beautiful that it sounds like the pace of a heartbeat while skipping through the Central Park on an autumn day.  
• Enjoying a big pot of this soup that I made last night -  a delicious recipe for using up the abundant carrots you might have this time of year. 
• Going deep into the archives of the Innovation Hub podcast, Kara Miller's investigation into thought leaders and thinkers. 
• And finally, a few words from Rebecca Solnit about how happiness might not be quite what we're looking for in this life.

"I know a woman who was lovingly married for seventy years. She has had a long, meaningful life that she has lived according to her principles. But I wouldn’t call her happy; her compassion for the vulnerable and concern for the future have given her a despondent worldview. What she has had instead of happiness requires better language to describe. There are entirely different criteria for a good life that might matter more to a person — honor, meaning, depth, engagement, hope."