Weekly Words: Rewriting the Story of Stress

'You’ve come home at the end of a long workweek. Your spouse, partner, or roommate poses the query: “How did work go?” If you’re anything like the writer of this blog post, you might tell your roommate, “Ugh, it was super stressful.” It makes sense – in our culture, work is thought of as stressful. But [Todd] Kashdan says that you should dig a little deeper, and examine how you really feel.

“Describe your emotional life with more precision, and say, ‘I’ve been a little bit anxious, excited, curious, and confused as I’m working on this presentation.’ People that can describe their emotional world with more precision, they end up less likely to have experiences of anger with their romantic partner turn into hateful comments… and they’re more likely to enjoy spending time with their kids.”

McGonigal adds that “as soon as you start to pay attention to what you’re feeling, you increase activation in parts of the brain that give you more control and flexibility over your behavior and responses.”'

-The Surprising Benefits of Stress

Weekly Words: "Imagine setting it all down"

"Consider the lilies of the field,
the blue banks of camas opening
into acres of sky along the road.
Would the longing to lie down
and be washed by that beauty
abate if you knew their usefulness,
how the native ground their bulbs
for flour, how the settlers' hogs
uprooted them, grunting in gleeful
oblivion as the flowers fell?

And you—what of your rushed
and useful life? Imagine setting it all down—
papers, plans, appointments, everything—
leaving only a note: "Gone
to the fields to be lovely. Be back
when I'm through blooming."

Even now, unneeded and uneaten,
the camas lilies gaze out above the grass
from their tender blue eyes.
Even in sleep your life will shine.
Make no mistake. Of course
your work will always matter.
Yet Solomon in all his glory
was not arrayed like one of these."

- Lynn Ungar

Weekly Words: "Time really stops"

"We call ourselves homo sapien sapiens. That's the species name we've given ourselves. And that means from the Latin sapere, which means "to taste" or "to know." The species that knows and knows that it knows. So that means really awareness and meta-awareness. And it would be nice if that were actually true, but I think it's a little premature to call ourselves that. And now maybe we need to live ourselves into owning that name by cultivating awareness and awareness of awareness itself and let that be in some sense the guide as to what we're going to invest in, how we're going to make decisions about where we live, where we're going to send our kids to school, how we're going to be at the dinner table. Whether we're going to take our bodies and our children and our parents for granted or whether we're going to live life as if it really mattered moment by moment.

And that's not some kind of prescription for more stuff that you need to do in order to be happy. This is getting out of your own way long enough to realize that you already have the potential for tremendous well-being and happiness right here, right now. Nothing else has to change.

One thing it does is it really slows down time. When you're in the present moment, time really stops."

- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Happy weekend...

Happy Friday! It has been a very busy few weeks, and I've had so much to write about but little time to do so. Currently, we're enjoying Lake Champlain with extended family, and the air is beautiful and even a bit crisp! Here are a few things that I've loved this week:

• Listening (and meditating) to the beautiful 2009 album "East of Eden" by Taken By Trees. 
• Loving this study on how the brain benefits from walking in nature. Green spaces, for the win!
• Vibing hard with this amazing podcast on mindfulness and opening to your life, featuring scientist and zen maestro Jon Kabat-Zinn. 
• And finally, a quote from Alan Watts on learning to live, truly, in the present:

"The real reason why human life can be so utterly exasperating and frustrating is not because there are facts called death, pain, fear, or hunger. The madness of the thing is that when such facts are present, we circle, buzz, writhe, and whirl, trying to get the “I” out of the experience. We pretend that we are amoebas, and try to protect ourselves from life by splitting in two. Sanity, wholeness, and integration lie in the realization that we are not divided, that man and his present experience are one, and that no separate “I” or mind can be found.

To understand music, you must listen to it. But so long as you are thinking, “I am listening to this music,” you are not listening."

Weekly Words: "Living in the moment, and then letting go"

“The chaos in nature is quiet, latent,” she says. “A lamb’s death is quiet; so is the gradual death of a crop of flowers.” Sitting on the lawn, birds singing from the trees, she remembers that long-ago bunch of black dahlias and sighs. “People look at flowers as objects — as a decorating element, not a living thing. But sometimes the most beautiful thing is the most fleeting. The most fragrant, delicate rose — often those wilt in minutes. Flowers are about living in the moment, and then letting go.”

- "Into the Wild With Sarah Ryhanen"

Happy weekend...

Happy Friday! It has been a very busy post-holiday week. This weekend is one of our only weekends at home, with no concrete plans, and I am utterly thrilled. Have a great weekend!

• Listening to this sexy throwback cover by Caught a Ghost. 
• Spiralizing vegetables and making our plantpowered life that much more fun. Last night it was organic Atlas Farms zucchini noodles with a Thai red curry peanut sauce. We have this spiralizer, but I've seen versions of this smaller handheld one as well out there that seem pretty effective too!  
• Wondering if there's truth to this study on the physical stability of stable relationships.  
• And finally, some tips from Parker Palmer on finding peace with the whole of ourselves:

"How can we learn to embrace with love the whole of who we are — a task that need not and should not await our elder years? Of course there are tried-and-true aids such as meditation, journaling and therapy, all of which have been helpful to me. Here are three others that I’ve found equally helpful, sometimes even more:

1. Spend as much time as you can experiencing the natural world. Nature constantly reminds me that everything has a place, that nothing need be excluded. That “mess” on the forest floor — like the mess in my own life — has an amazing harmony and hidden wholeness to it.
2. Move toward, not away from, whatever you fear. I try to remember the advice I was given on an Outward Bound course when I froze with fear on a rock face in the middle of a one-hundred-foot rappel: “If you can’t get out of it, get into it!” If, for example, you fear diversity, get to know “the other’s” story face-to-face and watch your fear shrink as your empathy expands.
3. Reach out to the younger generation—not to advise them but to learn from them, gain energy from them, and support them on their way. That’s a life-enhancing act that Erik Erikson called “generativity,” an alternative to the “stagnation” of age that sooner or later leads to despair."

Listening to Our Desires

A few years ago, a close friend was considering a big life change. She was miserable and in a funk. Her solution? Pack up her life and move a few thousand miles away.

I often think about what sets a person in motion to begin understanding what they want out of this life. For some, the trigger is a wake-up call - an experience, an event or emotion that triggers the sense of knowing that there might be another way beyond what we know. For others, it's a slow burn. A few bad relationships are like strikes to the matchbox of dissatisfaction. Regardless of the catalyst, there is one crucial thing that turns a so-called "turning point" into an action: desire.

During my years as a change management consultant, I saw a lot of companies on the verge of change. Whether they were facing a technology overhaul or responding to industry regulations, I met many stressed out, fatigued employees who were just looking to get this change going. They were ready to go through the motions and get to the other side.  For many people, their own life transitions are fraught with similar sentiments. They consider moves between cities, jobs, and relationships as an easy fix to unhappiness.

“What makes the engine go? Desire, desire, desire.”

— Stanley Kunitz

In a fantastic podcast with Jesuit priest James Martin, Krista Tippett explores the concept of desire as a sort of compass or calling around "your deepest identity, and as well, being called to married life, or being a lawyer, or...being a parent." Martin says that "St. Ignatius, in his classic text, "The Spiritual Exercises," talked about praying for what you desire. And also praying to understand your desires. What are your deepest desires that move you....the things that you're drawn to, the person you're called to be..."   

When we tap into our desire, and listen to what we're being called to do, it allows us to move more organically towards our purpose. So instead of just changing our location, career or partner and expecting to feel better, we actually listen to ourselves more deeply. We ask ourselves "why," and consider our truest path. This allows us to feel more energized by our changes, let go of judgement and fear and flow more freely.  

My dear friend ended up tapping into her desire, and understanding what it was that she truly wanted out of her life. It was actually not a location change, but the desire for a strong partner and new fulfilling career that aligned better with her skills and interests. In doing so, she was able to see that if she simply moved, the interpretations and beliefs that had been clouding her from seeing the truth would have also moved to the new city and manifested in a similar way. So instead she pushed forward in new directions, and allowed herself to feel her way through it. The changes eventually came in a way that felt more authentic and natural to her. 

What is it that you truly desire? What does it look like for you? 

I'd invite you to similarly explore this for yourself. Meditate on your desires for a bit. Let the engine go, and when it does, put yourself in gear and turn in the direction you want to go.

Weekly Words: "Capable of Becoming"

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.  It is my personal approach that creates the climate.  It is my daily mood that makes the weather.  I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.  I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.  I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.  In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized.  If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.  If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming."

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe