On Love, Unions, and Adventure

We are now a little less than three weeks out from our wedding day, and while everything people told us about the final days has been a bit true, I continue to try and stay as grounded and present to the experience as possible. 

And so, in honor of our love (in this exact moment in time), our union (in bringing together our families and spirits to celebrate), and the adventure (that we're about to embark on in our honeymoon and in life), I am stepping away until late next month. A few of my favorite thoughts and words on partnership, love, and unity are below. Have a great month, and see you on the other side!

“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”

— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

“Along with the differences that abide in each of us, there is also in each of us the maverick, the darling stubborn one who won’t listen, who insists, who chooses preference or the spirited guess over yardsticks or even history. I suspect this maverick is somewhat what the soul is, or at least that the soul lives close by and companionably with its agitating and inquiring force. And of course all of it, the differences and the maverick uprisings, are part of the richness of life. If you are too much like myself, what shall I learn of you, or you of me? I bring home sassafras leaves and M. looks and admires. She tells me how it feels to float in the air above the town and the harbor, and my world is sweetened by her description of those blue miles. The touch of our separate excitements is another of the gifts of our life together.”

— Mary Oliver

“An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word “love” — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation.

It is important to do this because in doing so we do justice to our own complexity.

It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us.”

— Adrienne Rich

“Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”

— Louis de Bernieres

Learning to Downshift

Even though it's the first of September, I'm still in favor of the late summer vibes that remind me to slow down and relax. But the reality is that at the beginning of every fall, I find that time seems to fly by faster and faster. Many are now back to school and college, getting ready for fall sports, studies and busy weeks. Summer Fridays are on their way out, and vacation time is quickly fading in the face of "productivity" and schedules. 

In one month, we're getting married and heading off on an exciting journey around Peru and Mexico. Tracking these final wedding tasks feel like a second career, in addition to my actual job which is buzzing with projects, strategy and planning. We have family travel and weddings every weekend over the next three weeks, and all I can think is "who has the time?"

Well, quite frankly, we all do. And I'm realizing that it's simply about finding it, and making it a priority. 

In 2010, Dan Buettner wrote an interesting book on what he deemed "The Blue Zones", five regions of the world with the highest longevity and population of centenarians. Buettner was tapped by National Geographic to travel to these locations, in areas such as the highlands of Sardinia, Okinawa, Japan, and an island off of Greece, and learn more about what contributes to their citizens' long lives.  

Buettner was recently featured in the New York Times discussing a longevity diet, which, true to American fashion was the most publicized output of what he discovered among the populations. But it was another key commonality that he wrote about that I appreciated even more: that people in the Blue Zones all shared in the ability to downshift - taking time every day to pause, de-stress and rejuvenate.   

“Even people in the Blue Zones experience stress. Stress leads to chronic inflammation, associated with every major age-related disease. What the world’s longest-lived people have that we don’t are routines to shed that stress. Okinawans take a few moments each day to remember their ancestors, Adventists pray, Ikarians take a nap and Sardinians do happy hour.”

— Dan Buettner

While many of us can only wish to live to 100, it's hard to ignore the relationship between stress and aging - which we all do, regardless of fighting it, every single day. And so, these last weeks of summer are a great reminder to incorporate a bit of slow living into every day in order to give our bodies and minds a break. As expressed in Lynn Ungar's poem that I posted Friday, even when you're not busy doing, you are still  being, and that is perfectly enough.  Below are a few ways that I will be reintroducing breaks, particularly over these next few weeks, to incorporate a bit more rest into each day. 

Tips for Downshifting

• Bathe in silence. In an average week, I'm always coming or going, and my immediate inclination is to plug in - to music, podcasts or another stream of digital information. But lately I've found that silence truly is golden, and I've been unplugging from headphones, and the news, and giving my ears and mind a rest. The result? I feel calmer, a greater sense of spaciousness, and more connected to my surroundings versus my thoughts. 
•  Get up and out. Since starting a new job in May, I've found just how powerful it is to take a break from the office, and computer, during the day to clear the mind and refresh the spirit. We've also started incorporating night walks to help disconnect from media and chores in the evenings and stay connected to each other and the outdoors. On those nights, I find myself floating to sleep easier, and waking up more recharged and ready for the next day. 
• Find your place of peace. Growing up, there was a particular jetty on the Long Island Sound that was my shrine of relaxation - a place where I could go and be away from worry and completely present. When I lived in Manhattan, it was the Jacquelyn Onassis Reservoir in Central Park. On most days now, I climb a hill in our neighborhood to take pause and breathe. Whether it's a room in your home, a place in your garden or a neighborhood park, find your sanctuary - a place where you immediately feel peace simply upon arrival.   

Weekly Words: "An Observation"

"True gardeners cannot bear a glove
Between the sure touch and the tender root,
Must let their hands grow knotted as they move
With a rough sensitivity about
Under the earth, between the rock and shoot,
Never to bruise or wound the hidden fruit.
And so I watched my mother's hands grow scarred,
She who could heal the wounded plant or friend
With the same vulnerable yet rigorous love;
I minded once to see her beauty gnarled,
But now her truth is given me to live,
As I learn for myself we must be hard
To move among the tender with an open hand,
And to stay sensitive up to the end
Pay with some toughness for a gentle world."

- May Sarton

Cashew Cream of Broccoli Soup and a Love Letter

One of the most important love languages in our relationship is food, and it contains a sacred lexicon that dictates the kitchen dance performed nightly in our kitchen. 

The countertop my fiance and I share is a space of conscious co-creativity - a haven where the desire to eat simple, beautiful and delicious food that heals and fuels your body is revered, and there's always a table for two. This started when we moved in together, and our collective cooking game was instantly maximized as we began to build the lifestyle we desired - a long-lasting partnership focused on health, awareness, love and growth. But it was taken to a whole new level when I began to learn about just how much he appreciated and desired home-cooked rocket fuel, and how kitchen sorcery could fulfill important pillars in both of our lives.

Now I'm sure you've heard the archaic adage about the quickest way to a man's heart being through his stomach.  But chances are, this probably wasn't referring to a dish of cruciferous vegetables as capable of bringing a man to his knees. The truth is, it's not tenderloins or pies that really stops my man in his tracks.

It's broccoli. 

I'm pretty sure that his love of broccoli, and all members of the family Brassicaceae began after learning about it's health-touting and cancer-fighting benefits during a very brief vegan stint. But whenever it started, it then moved fast. This is a man who will eat a plate of raw greens for breakfast or use broccoli as a general garnish just to make sure he gets his daily dose.  A man who creates powerpoint presentations and shares them with his family to let them know just how important these vegetables really are. And a man who then receives a head of broccoli on every trip to visit relatives, and proceeds to share it with others because he wants them to experience the health benefits too. 

So nothing excites me more than when he comes home and I've whipped up some double or triple cruciferous delight. Without fail, he walks in the door, makes himself a bowl and stops short - blown away by the "crucif topped crucif" presented before him. This cashew cream of broccoli soup was no different, and between the creamy base and the garnish that holds all the good flavors of late summer, I think we've found a new recipe in the cookbook of our love. 

I always tell friends that while it might be nerdy, it sure beats being with someone who is addicted to sugar or booze.  Whether it's brussels sprouts or cauliflower, bok choy or kale, these vegetables have an lasting place on our table and in his heart.  While there might just be less sulfur-rich vegetables that are a bit more romantic to the eye, to him, this type of thing is the epitome of love. And for this, good health, and the life that we're building together, I'm always happy to oblige.

Cashew Cream of Broccoli Soup

For the soup:

• 1 large onion, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• ½ tsp. Celtic sea salt
• 4 cups low-sodium vegetable broth
• 2 cups filtered water
• 2 small to medium heads of broccoli, chopped
• ½ cup nutritional yeast
• 1 cup basil leaves, chopped
• 3 teaspoons lemon juice
   

For cashew cream:

• 2 cups raw cashews
• ½ cup water
• Good pinch of Celtic sea salt
• 1 clove garlic
• 2 teaspoons lemon juice

For garnish:

• 2 ears of sweet corn, cut off cob
• 1 English cucumber
• 2 teaspoons lemon juice
• ½ cup broccoli, finely diced
• ¼ cup basil, chopped
• 2 cups of cooked millet, quinoa or other grain (optional)

Directions:

1.  Bring a few cups of water to a boil, and set the cashews in a large jar. Pour water over cashews and set aside for 1-2 hours. Drain and rinse. 
2. If including millet or quinoa, set it on the stove to slow cook while you finish the other parts of the soup.
3. In a large pot, heat several glugs of olive oil and add onions until softened, but not burnt - about 5-8 minutes. Add garlic and a hefty pinch of sea salt and cook for a few more minutes until vegetables are sweat out.
4. Add the vegetable broth and filtered water, and bring to a boil.
5. Lower to medium heat and add the broccoli florets, cooking for 3-5 minutes, or until broccoli is al dente. Remove from heat.
6. Make the cashew cream by the drained cashews and other ingredients in a blender, and mixing. You can add a little more lemon juice for a creamy consistency as needed. Cream should be whipped and smooth. Take half of the cashew cream out of the blender and set aside. 
7. In batches, add the contents of the pot to the blender, add the basil, nutritional yeast, and lemon juice, and mix until smooth.
8. Add soup back to the pot and simmer for another 15-20 minutes on low heat, and season with sea salt to desired taste.
9. For the garnish, roast the corn (topped with sea salt and olive oil) on parchment in the over at 375 degrees for 15-20 minutes. Chop the basil, broccoli, and dice the cucumber while it's cooking. Remove corn from the oven, and let cool.
10. Mix cucumber, basil, corn, broccoli, sea salt and lemon juice in a separate bowl.
11. To serve, ladle soup into bowls. Add a heaping spoonful of millet or quinoa, a 1/4 cup of the cucumber, corn and broccoli garnish, a drizzle of cashew cream, and a few basil leaves. 

Weekly Words: "Collaborators in love"

"Love is a many-splendored thing. This classic saying is apt, not only because love can emerge from the shoots of any other positive emotion you experience, be it amusement, serenity, or gratitude, but also because of your many viable collaborators in love, ranging from our sister to your soul mate, your newborn to your neighbor, even someone you’ve never met before...

At the level of positivity resonance, micro-moments of love are virtually identical regardless of whether they bloom between you and a stranger or you and a soul mate; between you and an infant or you and your lifelong best friend. The clearest difference between the love you feel with intimates and the love you feel with anyone with whom you share a connection is its sheer frequency. Spending more total moments together increases your chances to feast on micro-moments of positivity resonance. These micro-moments change you."

- Barbara Fredrickson

Weekly Words: "The Journey"

"Above the mountains
the geese turn into
the light again

Painting their
black silhouettes
on an open sky.

Sometimes everything
has to be
inscribed across
the heavens

so you can find
the one line
already written
inside you.

Sometimes it takes
a great sky
to find that

first, bright
and indescribable
wedge of freedom
in your own heart.

Sometimes with
the bones of the black
sticks left when the fire
has gone out

someone has written
something new
in the ashes of your life.

You are not leaving.
Even as the light fades quickly now,
you are arriving."

- David Whyte