Effecting Change in Our Lives

Last week, I spoke to a peer about how she was doing after a particularly busy period in her life. Her energy was low - I could hear it in every syllable as she managed to share a few matter-of-fact details about having a chocked full schedule and wanting to make changes. Even though we weren't face to face, I could feel a dark cloud hanging over her, bearing weight on her mood, motivation, and happiness.

Change doesn't happen over night - this is a phrase that has been engrained in many of our minds. And in many cases, it's true. Good, sustainable change, for communities, companies and sports teams, comes after deep evaluation, a well-defined approach, careful measurement and iteration after iteration. For people, this can be true as well. In many circumstances, the framework for building strategies and goals that I shared with Financial Services companies could work extremely well for an individual desiring the type of change that I was an expert on. But the thing is - it wouldn't be their change.

Much like selling a product, or getting buy-in from a leader, someone will not own the act of making change until it's theirs. In fact, the core difference in coaching versus consulting someone on something is that rather than sharing a plan and an approach to effect change, you guide someone to find their own desired destination, and empower them to build the map to lead themselves there. Empowerment is the key word here. One can only send all their good juju to another person so much - cheerleaders aren't the ones generally playing the game.

As I listened to my friend last week, I knew I needed to employ some key coaching tactics to elevate her energy, shift her focus, and help her start building waves to sea change. Below are a few quick tactics for doing the same when you find yourself with low energy around a decision or change: 

Quick Tips to Empower Towards Change

• Validation brings the party to the present. You are allowed to feel. Full stop. Acknowledge your emotions when they're low. I would even encourage you to sit with them for long enough for you to determine that they are separate from you. Then you can take the power back from them. As Michael A. Singer shares in Untethered Soul, "To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them." 
• Talk about what's going well. If you're in a crunch, overwhelmed or stuck, you're likely resonating at a very low frequency, which is the exact place you don't want to be in order to actually take action. Re-living your success stories or conjuring up a good moment has the effect of a smile for your inner self. After doing it for a short period of time, you may actually feel a shift in energy powerful enough to bring you to the present and help you begin to build a plan.
•  Switch on the magical thinking. What would life be like once you're living that change you so desire? How would you feel? What would be doing once you are there? Even though the focus is on the present, the same tactic you would use to help an executive take ownership of a strategy can work in your personal life. Thinking about how it would feel to actually be living the change can help raise your energy to doing, and help you buy in to your own plan for getting there. Sometimes the best way to make something happen is to sell to the most important customer: yourself.    

Elevating Energy with Mental Imagery

When I was a child, I was the textbook definition of confident - fearless, proud, and fully aware of my capabilities. "I can't" wasn't a phrase I recognized. I was also a nationally ranked swimmer, and while I worked hard for my race times, that unwavering belief in myself surely didn't hurt when it came to touching the wall first.

Every season, as part of our training we did something remarkable to prepare for the season's biggest swim meets: we visualized our heats. Dozens of swimmers, ages eight to eighteen, would take over the racquetball courts at the YMCA, and lie on our backs in the dark. Our coaches would then take us through guided mental imagery - from stepping up to the block and diving in, to pushing through the final third of the race and hitting the finish. Though the memory of this tickles me now, I remember the power of my imagination in helping me envision that wall, and how I recalled that in every race I swam in.

Creative visualization, mental imagery, envisioning. In their basic form, these skills involve imagining all of the elements and parts of a specific activity - the images you see, the physical motions you go through, and the emotions you feel - as if it were taking place in the ideal environment. These are all skills that have been practiced by professional athletes for decades - and yes, practice is the key word there, as the effects most frequently reaped come after regular repetition of the exercise.

It's an exercise that has helped basketball players hit free throws, golfers drive the right shots, and Olympic skiers hit their mark. The New York Times details how U.S. freestyle aerialist Emily Cook created and recorded imagery scripts after recovering from an injury:

“Cook then played the recording back as she relaxed, eyes closed, feeling her muscles firing in response. She said that such mental work helped her return to the sport a better jumper and that she also had used imagery to break the cycle of negativity. Whenever fear surfaced, she would picture herself pricking a big red balloon with a pin.

’That sound and that immediate switch would kind of snap me out of it,’ she said, adding, ‘The last couple years, I’ve definitely gotten to a point where when I’m on the hill, it’s very quick for me to switch from a negative thought to a positive one.’”

In our daily lives, we're quite often held back from achieving our potential because of inner road blocks. Perhaps you want to achieve something, but just can't get over the external circumstances in the way. Maybe you truly want to reach a goal, but just don't know where to start. Or, like many of us, you might be your own worst critic, and as a result you embody the exact low energy that holds you up from actually taking the first step. 

So what if we could use that same mental imagery to envision reaching this personal life goal? If you think about it, goals like presenting at a conference, making a physical transformation, or moving towards the next chapter in your career might just be longer term activities than hitting a basket or sinking a golf ball. But they're still activities that could benefit from the power of imagination.

When we develop a mental image of a personal goal, we recreate the image of ourselves in action. We can see ourselves take the first step towards it - that powerful awe-inspiring act of overcoming inertia. We see ourselves performing, and allow our bodies to feel what it might be like to actually be doing it. And then we bask in the achievement of completing the task, and connect to the emotions of achievement, whether it be a sense of gratitude towards our abilities, a sense of new found purpose, or a growing confidence in ourselves. In essence, by imagining yourself actually doing these things, you're simply elevating yourself from that negative "I can't" belief to a positive "I will." You remember that you are your own best motivator.

It's important to note that once you get to the point of motion, that's when the real work begins. But a series of well-planned steps and level of accountability can help you actually manage the tasks of doing. Guided visualizations are a great tool to help you truly connect with yourself and gain a bit of clarity in order to take the first step in reaching your goal.

For more on how to use visualizations, check out "7 Tips for Creating Positive Mental Imagery".

Weekly Words: "Become a Source of Light for All"

"The most important thing in life is your inner energy. If you’re always tired and never enthused, then life is no fun. But if you’re always inspired and filled with energy, then every minute of every day is an exciting experience. Learn to work with these things. Through meditation, through awareness and willful efforts, you can learn to keep your centers open. You do this by just relaxing and releasing. You do this by not buying into the concept that there is anything worth closing over. Remember, if you love life, nothing is worth closing over...

...The more you stay open, the more the energy flow can build. At some point, so much energy comes into you that it starts flowing out of you. You feel it as waves pouring off of you. You can actually feel it flowing off your hands, out your heart, and through other energy centers. All these energy centers open, and a tremendous amount of energy starts flowing out of you. What is more, the energy affects other people. People can pick up on your energy, and you’re feeding them with this flow. If you are willing to open even more, it never stops. You become a source of light for all those around you."

- Michael A. Singer

Soul Soothing Emotional Management

Emotions.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how important, yet difficult it is to manage them, particularly when the timing isn't right ... which is generally when they tend to hit. But really, when was the last time you felt a strong emotion and took the time to stop, step back, and try to understand where it was coming from?

On a day to day basis, this is easier said than done. But studies show that emotional intelligence is just as important as work ethic and IQ when it comes to being successful in work and life.  On the flip side, a steady diet of emotional distress can wreak havoc on your health, your resilience, and your focus.

“The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain.”

— Daniel Goleman

Last year, I had the pleasure of attending a conference out west and hearing from The Energy Project, a firm that partners "with organizations to create workplaces that are healthier, happier, more focused and more purposeful." Part of our experience focused on discerning how adequately we each were currently meeting the four core needs they believe we all have in life: Physical, Spiritual, Mental and Emotional.

The Energy Project defines "emotional energy" as being "about learning to cultivate the specific emotions associated with high performance, because how people feel profoundly influences how they perform." In this light, if emotions affect the way we feel, and the way we feel affects the way we perform, then a good portion of our happiness lies within how well we can understand and manage emotions themselves.

People who mindfully manage their emotions tend to demonstrate self-awareness, motivation and empathy, which in turn can also help create a more balanced, and even longer, life. Compared to the alternative, that doesn't sound so bad. Below are a few key steps to take when your emotions hit the fan.

Quick Tips for Managing Emotions

Breathe. Next time you feel the urge to pour out your frustrations, instead try taking a few slow, deep breaths. Count to 3 as you inhale, and 6 as you exhale. Research shows that venting actually fuels your anger, rather than extinguishing it, as does quietly dwelling on your negative feelings.

Translate. Dr. Darlene Mininni, author of The Emotional Toolkit created the following formula to identify emotions: thoughts + body sensations = emotion. Once you've accepted the reality, bucket your emotion into one of the following categories - anxiety, sadness, anger and happiness - and identify how your thoughts and related physical reactions align. 

For example, if a deadline has you stressed, you might feel angry, causing your heart to race and your muscles to tighten. Pinpointing these details can help you ask yourself the right questions about what exactly you're feeling, and how it affects you, and better cope by moving forward.

Write, write, write. People who write, and re-write, have a better handle on their emotions, which can "lead to behavioral changes and improve happiness." Keeping a journal can also help you track emotions, take notice of patterns, and identify what habits or stimulants might be stirring your emotions.